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all these years...
people always tell me that i treat cory as a bestfriend. people always tell me that she is just as important to me as kelly. i don't know if this is true or not. i guess...i've known cory the longest but...are we bestfriends? i don't know. in grade 6 when we were in a split class together, we WERE bestfriends. i guess cory was a much different person back then. she was so hyper....she was so cheerful. well she still is now...but then she's so mature now. i remember cory and i just started talking one day that year. i've always known her and i've always wanted to be friends with her...right from the start...but then i never thought that we'd ever talk. so then one day when we finally hung out, i was so happy...because cory was the first true friend that i had in my life. we only started talking at like...the end of that year...well the last few months. we got along very well...i could talk to cory about anything. then she started saying i was her bestfriend...and yea..that's the first time anyone has ever said that to me. all the stuff that we talked about...i guess when i look back it's quite funny. but we were only kids. i remember this one time when we thought of 10 things that we had in common with each other. haha...it was funny. we realized that we both liked SKY...and we both liked rollercoasters and wonderland. haha...at that time....the only difference between us was that i liked playstation more and she liked n64. ahh...those were the good days. cory actually had problems back then and she told me all about them. cory always told me about the people she hated...and it's funny because we still do that. hmm....cory would ONLY hang out with me although i always thought that she had alot of friends. it turns out that....cory didn't really like any of her friends although they liked her. i think...in class one day we changed the desks into rows and cory and i ended up sitting right beside each other. during lunch....when everyone played cards together...we'd just play cards together when cory brought her own cards. and then when we went outside, we'd play handball together because cory brought her own basketball. ahh those were the good days. but then grade 7 came....and we were in different classes. we drifted apart from then on. i guess cory had her own friends. but when i was in grade 8, we hung out again. haha....i guess....it wasn't the same as before because we weren't bestfriends anymore...but it was still fun.
but cory was different when she went to grade 6. well..she dressed like a goth. well...not like a goth...she wore baggy jeans...and then....she had this obsession with skulls and skull shirts/necklaces. it was weird lol...i guess she still does. maybe it was because of me lol. but like...she was so different. it always seemed like something was bothering her but she never told me. she always acted so normal and happy. she always had these cuts on her arms...and i guess it was probably from her problems. a few days ago, i asked cory if she was depressed when she did that...she said no. she said that when she's really angry, it feels better to let the anger out by cutting herself. lolz...oh yea...she had this obsession with exacto knives. in gr7 and gr8 we were still friends but not as close i guess. then in gr9 when i had to go to high school, i guess THAT'S when we drifted apart. we stopped talking for so long...but i guess occasionally cory would call me or we'd go to pmall or something. but still, we weren't that close. i guess that summer, which was last summer, everything was fine again. we started going to PT more and we started talking more. mostly, we'd just talk about weird things or i would tell her my problems, but cory would never tell me HER problems. then this year, i realized that she really doesn't HAVE any problems...but she said that if she did, she would definitely talk to me about it.
cory and i would hate people together...haha so i guess that's probably one of the reasons why people think we're bestfriends. until now, i finally understood one of the reasons nancy was mad at us at that time. i understand now why she kept saying that cory was more important to me than she was. well at that time...i really didn't think of it as that way...but i guess that she probably was. it's because that day, when cory and i were riding home from nancy's house, we kept talking about the 2 people we hate. we thought about what nicknames we should put ours as. nancy was mad because cory and i were in it together and we left her out of her plan. we never told her. then i remember that one conversation nancy and i had. she kept saying that i changed...and that it was because of cory. cory supposedly "didn't give a shit about anyone". but i never thought that was true. i know that cory might be a little cold to people...but not to me at least. maybe she treated nancy like that so that's why nancy thought she influenced me. and then....like the whole grade 10 year she kept saying that cory was my bestfriend...and...everytime i was so puzzled. because well...that thought never occurred to me. nancy always said that i was nicer to cory than to her. and in one of our last conversations, i said that the friendship between nancy and i could end in an instant due to something wrong that's said...but the friendship between cory and i could never end like that. i really appreciate how cory would give up nancy as a friend. when that fight was going on between us and nancy...we never once blamed each other...that was because we knew that we were in this together. even when i said that i wanted to be friends with nancy again...cory offered to send an email to her for me...or talk to her for me...that was touching. but then even now, cory is not that great friends with nancy anymore....and i think it's because she's aware of what happened between us. on canada day, her parents told her to go to nancy's house and call them to pick her up...but after we started walking there, i asked cory if she was really gonna do that. cory said "no...don't worry...we don't have to go to her house". awww >___<.
i don't think that nancy ever quite understood cory...and i doubt i even understand her that much either. but i know that...she doesn't trust people that easily, possibly because she was hurt before. like....when she meet new friends, she probably gives them the impression that she doesn't like them....but that's just how she is. cory is not an open person...neither does she always consider other people's feelings when she says something. maybe that's why nancy thinks she's a bad person. i don't know. i was never able to see any of this because...at least to me cory is nice. the truth is, cory's not that nice to anyone...even her friends. she always bitch at me about them lol....and i always bitch at her about my own friends. i don't know...if she'll ever consider me as a bestfriend or not. last year, i was talking to jacky...and then jacky said that cory considers me as her closest friend...but i don't know if he said that based on observation or from what cory actually said. a few days before canada day i was pissed because cory said she had planned to see fireworks with melody. but then the day before, cory said she'll lie to mel for me....because she didn't want to see fireworks with her. and then on that day, i asked her why....and she told me how mel broke up with her bf. i don't get that...if mel is her friend...shouldn't she comfort her? haha...i don't know...cory's excuse was that she'd rather see real fireworks than ones you set off yourself. hahaha....i don't know if that's the real reason though.
but the truth is.....i never once thought about if cory and i are bestfriends or not. it never occurred to me although everyone tells me that. i guess there are things i'll never understand. maybe i'm blind. there are times when i get pissed at cory..but then for the most part it was never serious. she's the only friend i never got into a fight with. i guess nancy was right. maybe our friendship is unbreakable. maybe...i DO consider her as a bestfriend. but even if i did....would cory ever consider me as a bestfriend too? i don't know...she's my mad cow daughter, MCjr.
all these years, i never once treated her differently because she was younger than me. haha i always say that she's so cute...but i do that to everyone. i never thought she was a kid. i don't care if she's younger than me. she's alot more mature than alot of people i know who are my age. but maybe because of our age difference we aren't bestfriends. we can't always talk...we can never be in the same class...and we can never have the same friends. cory has her friends...and i have mine. but despite all this, we're still really close. i tell cory about my friends...but i just have to give a little bit more description...and she does the same too. maybe we'll really be bestfriends next year..we have the same lunch. i WOULD switch but i want to hang out with her. it's been so long. maybe things will change next year. but i just know that she's the only reason i have my lunch in that period.
on canada day she told me alot of things about herself. that was the longest time we ever hung out. it was like from 1:30pm to like 11:30pm. haha....cory told me about cutting herself and having scars....and then she told me how cutting your wrists can kill you. well of course i knew about that, but cory showed me the proper way to do it. she's so smart. she also told me that she's short tempered around her parents. the smallest thing they could say could piss her off. but she said that with her friends she's not like that. i never knew that about her. actually...i think cory DOES tell me about her problems...just that she doesn't make it that obvious. i remember how she told me she got into a fight with her parents before...and they made her dye part of her hair back to black. awww >____<. i remember that conversation that shuyun and i had the other day. she was telling me how in some cases, it's better to be normal friends than bestfriends...cuz maybe u get along better with them that way. is that what happened between cory and i? i don't know lol. i don't know what will happen next year. maybe we'll be bestfriends...i don't know. guess i have to wait and see~~ |
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