Current mood:

dirty

april 2 i remember

tired...

for some reason, i don't like to recall things from last year anymore, i think it's better to just let it be and move on. what's the point in caring, when they have already forgotten about how things used to be. when they have already forgotten about me.

how could you do this to me...what part of you has the ability to walk past me as if we were strangers? even i can't do that...i hold my breath, and an instant after you walk by me, my heart feels like it's been shattered into a million pieces, but i hold back my tears, because i know that you won't even know...and even if i cried, would you care?

im not all about assumptions, im not all about jealousy. have you considered my feels even once....have you tried looking at things from my perspective, instead of looking for faults in my opinions? in the past i was so jealous...and the sole reason i was depressed was because of you. it was because of the things you did. it's because you failed to consider my feelings. i can't believe how much i risked for you in the past, i can't believe how much i did for you in the past. all those conversations with my friends, it was to ask them for advice...because i really did not know what to do. you might see that as backstabbing, and i guess that's why i changed. that was last year. no matter where i was i was always thinking about you. it sounds weird...but yea...that's how much it was bothering me. i knew that none of my friends could ever compare to you.

for a very long period of time...we didn't talk...and during that time, i always wanted a chance to make it up to you. i knew very well what my flaws were. how i always seemed very distant because i never told you what was wrong....how i turn to all my friends about our problems but never confront you personally about them. how...i always got jealous and did things like block + delete you, ignore you....and i always left you hanging because i never told you the reason for any of things. i know all of that, so that's why i wanted to change, change just for you. i didn't want to make it look like i was the type who had nothing better to do but to think of you all the time. i didn't want to make it look like i was the type to be so obsessed. i thought that's what you wanted....but then i never knew even if i'm a better person that i was before, you wouldn't notice it. you probably even hate me even more now. to think, that i did so many inexcusable things in the past, but yet you forgave me, but now, im not doing anything but yet, i feel that you must still hate me.